i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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