Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
