I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
