My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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