I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
