Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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