I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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