So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
