I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
