this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
