My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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