OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
