Got a toothbrush?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
people are starting to question the shark bite story
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We're too hungover to prance.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
