Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
