Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
