I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
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She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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