saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
