everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
