Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
