So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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