last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize