Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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