You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
