Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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