Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
