so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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