So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
