Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Are we still banned from the library?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have fence marks all over my body
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
