your thong is hanging out like whoa
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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