I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
