alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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