I'm so fucking centered right now
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize