No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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