Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
