if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
