I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
