no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
