Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
