Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
