In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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