apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
