I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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