Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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