I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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