sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
