im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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