o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
