i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
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He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
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Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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