I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
