Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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