I met the friendliest cop last night
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I could make wine with my vomit
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
