i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
