the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
