I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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