if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
