i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
