I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
