I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
