i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
