last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
