how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
