But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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