I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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