So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
