so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
