Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
