Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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