he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So squirting runs in the family.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
