I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
