Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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