Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
