I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It was confusing and full of hummus
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
