he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
