Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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