yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
