one might say we're banned from that church
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
