I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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