just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
